To Take a Life
by geekdad
Summary: On a mission to protect STAR labs, Wally accidently kills someone. Now he must live with that guilt and it is slowly destroying him. Artemis tries to comfort the speedster, but he won't let anyone in. She must decide if their relationship is over, or if she can save him from himself. Rated M for Strong Language. Totally Spitfire. Original take I hope . One shot.


_Authors Note. I had to take a break from my other story "The Long Road to Redemption" (Shameless plug I know). This is just a quick one shot. So many stories here are written by great authors, but sometimes they can share some of the same plot elements. God Knows I'm guilty of that too. It's the great character dialog and development that separate them and make the fun to read. Before I wrote this I checked around to see if there was anything like this out there. I think it's pretty original. So I hope you enjoy it. Review it if you can and I will get back to my other story soon. Thanks._

January15th

Computer begin recording.

My name is Artemis Crock. I used to be an assassin for the League of Shadows, but now I am fighting for justice alongside the some of the world's greatest heroes protégés. I am also dating the fastest boy alive. I think.

God that's horrible. Computer delete.

Journaling is a stupid idea. Canary can make us train, she can make us attend strategy and lectures, but there is no way in hell she can make me keep a diary, but here I am doing it anyway. Damn it. She is going to read this. Carefully. You know just scan it over to make sure we just didn't write "this is stupid" 5000 times. We all have to receive League mandated counseling. I guess she thought we might be more open if we wrote our thoughts and feelings type crap down instead of saying them in front of her. Fine but when it's complete I am burning it.

Ok. I suppose I would like to know where I stand with Wally. I mean it was just two weeks ago that we kissed on the Watchtower, but we had just kicked serious ass and everyone's adrenaline was flowing pretty strong. Could have been one of those spur of the moment things, but two night ago was a whole different story. Making out with him for hours up at the observation point on top of Mt. Justice was just aweso...it was ok I guess. No world ending emergencies, no moronic evil geniuses bent in domination. Just us. Ok it was pretty awesome. He is a much better kisser than I than I thought he would be. Fine! He was a great kisser. Damnit why am I still Journaling. Stupid Canary. Sorry didn't mean that.

Computer end recording.

January 19

Computer begin recording.

Ok. I don't like doing this live, but I've got some time, and it will save me from recording when we get back to the mountain. We have been on this stupid freezing roof for two hours. I think Robin got some bad intel. This place is covered in security guards anyway. I know STAR Labs has got some serious tech, but they seem to have the muscle to back it up.

"Stay sharp" Rob just announced of the com link. Well no shit. I was just about to do my nails. Duh. I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss the mind link thingy. Megan is off doing what Martians do with her uncle. Did I really just say Martians? God this is a weird job. I'm a kick ass archer. I'm not bragging, ok maybe a little, but I've got the chops. There's only a handful of people in the world that can do what I can, and I'm still getting better. Both Arrows are good teachers. Ollie is the nurturing type, and Roy's kind of a dick, but he knows his stuff. Oh and I think he is secretly dating my sister. Like I said weird job.

But regardless of how awesome I am, I'm only human. I work with two aliens and a guy from Atlantis. Atlantis? Do you hear how stupid that sounds? They all have these amazing powers and I just shoot things. I mean I've got some serious hand to hand skills, after all I am Huntress's daughter, but it's easy to get a little intimidated working next to mind readers, shape shifters, junior men of steel, and water sword bearing teammates. Oh and speedsters, let's not forget speedsters.

When I sit and eat with Wally, watching him make a pig of himself, choking down massive amounts of food, I am really in awe of him. I'd never tell him that, his head is big enough already, but his power is really amazing. He could literally be sitting next to me one second and halfway across the country minutes later. We are talking speed of sound type stuff. Whenever he picks me up and races me somewhere I am mesmerized by the lights, sounds and sensations of what his life must be like. Later on he will tell me how hard it is for him to stay in the moment when life around him moves so slow. Kind of hard to figure out how I can fit into that huh? Speaking of staying in the moment, one security guard just hit the ground. Better get to it.

Computer stop recording.

January 20

Computer begin stupid recording.

I don't want to do this stupid shit anymore. I don't care if Canary's sessions are League ordered I'm….. Fine I'll just get it over with. Someone died tonight. No, not anyone on the team, just one of the gang that was breaking into STAR. Growing up in the Shadows, I saw a lot of death. Not happy about it, never really got used to it, it just happened. Sometimes I was involved in it, but I'm not going to talk about that. I'm talking about tonight.

We all had our quadrants to cover. We have been doing this for a while, so everyone knows their job. Well one of those guys jumped between where Conner and I were covering. Conner freezes. Rookie mistake. The stupid thug has a gun trained on the guard, and Conner is looking at me like "who covers that guy?" I mean really the guard is about to killed, and he doesn't know whose freaking turn it is? Jesus.

I don't hesitate. Hesitate and your dead my asshole of a father used to say. Two arrows and the guy's down, plus the guy who I was assigned to anyway. I should have kept my distance, stay down and pop him just like I did other guy, but I'm pissed so I go ahead and went hand to hand with him. He smacks me good and I smiled at him. I know that freaked him out for a second, and two round house kicks later he's on the ground, I added two more shots. Nose and throat just for fun. The guy choked and bled at the same time. It was badass and yes I was proud of it. I hear Robin screaming through the radio and then I looked down at my chest and there was a red dot trained on it. Shit, Rookie mistake and I made it.

I don't know why, but I looked for Wally. I'm not sure if I was scared and needed his eyes, or if I was hurt that he didn't have my back. Maybe a small part of me thought it was over.

I froze. There was nothing I could do when I hear this loud explosion. Glass breaking all over the freaking place and then I felt this concussion blast knock us all back. Like a kick right in the chest. I not sure if I thought it was Conner slamming the ground, or Rob with one of his exploding Robin-exploding discs-whatever the hell he calls them, but I glance around real quick and they are on the ground too, looking as stunned as I was. That's when I found him.

By the way it wasn't an explosion, it was a boom. A sonic boom. All I really saw was a streak of yellow and red with what I swear was trails of lightning mixed in with them. His trail shot of the edge of the STAR building, and next second he is running up the face of at least a 20 story building. Straight freaking up. You could see a glowing trail behind him, like his feet were moving so fast it melted part of the building If I wasn't about to be shot I would have enjoyed watching it. It was a really cool light show, and then it all fit. The sniper who had his laser site on me was up there. This gets hard to explain because things with Wally usually are. I'm not good at breaking down time in milliseconds or whatever you measure when talking about that small a time, but one second the red laser is on my chest and I'm watching streak of yellow and red, and then it wasn't. I didn't have time to be relived, dumbass thugs were still trying to get away. Off in the distance we saw the escape chopper heading our way, but evidently when they saw us kicking the shit out of their crew they thought better of joining, and turned around. Smart move.

The rest of it was pretty easy, and after few seconds the rest of them knew how outmatched they were. Surrendered. Another smart move, but honestly I wished they hadn't.

So Rob and Kaldur secured everyone, shit I forgot to mention Kaldur was there. Sorry. Anyway Conner comes up to me. He gave me one of those "hey I screwed up and thanks" looks and I just smiled it him. He is like a big brother to me and I save all my good insults for Wally anyway. Speaking of him, I didn't see Kid Stomach anywhere. I hadn't called that yet, I was going to have to save that one for the right moment. Robin signaled him. No answer.

All right I admit I got a little lump in my throat. Stay calm I kept telling myself as I kept hearing Robin yelling for KF come in. Finally Wally answered. I need you up here. I'm fine, but I need you up here he said. Ok hearing his voice took a huge load of my shoulders, but he sounded weird, couldn't put my finger on it. I always try to turn my feelings of when I go into battle, but damn Wally always makes that so hard.

Robin did his Robin thing and was up there with Wally while we got everyone ready for STAR security and the local cops to take over. No big, just postgame stuff. So when Robin called Batman on Code 3 priority everyone knew right away what happened. Someone was dead

All right that's enough. I'm hungry and tired. I'm heading home. I'll finish this tomorrow. This is stupid anyway. Computer stop recording.

January 21

Computer begin recording

Well this morning sucks already. Ok finishing up about last night. Aw Screw this, I'm gonna do this fast. I got tons of shit to do today.

The speed that Wally was traveling was just too fast for him to slow down if he was going to make it to the top, plus there was the whole I was about to get shot in the chest thing probably on his mind.

Damn is that tear in my eye? WTF? Quit being such a damn girl Artemis. So….Wally slammed pretty hard into the sniper and when the guy hit the wall, he broke his neck. I know that's cold and to the point, but there it is. You just don't survive getting hit by someone as fast as Wally was going and not get screwed up. Wally is really careful about using his speed around the norms in battle. That's what I call them anyway. Damn I guess I'm one of them too. So that's why he's usually just grabbing weapons and throwing uppercuts instead of slamming into people full speed.

Batman and the local detectives all went up there with Rob and Wally and talked for about two hours. Local authorities and the League always have an understanding about protocol. Statements were taken, but no charges were going to be filed. The guy was about to fire on me, and Wally stopped him. The mission was sanctioned by STAR and we fell under the same authority as the guards. They would take a life if they had to, and we could too. Not that we'd want to.

When Wally made it back down to us he was pale. Everyone came over to console him, but he was just kind of in his own world. There was no talking on the Bioship back to the mountain. I kept trying to get Wally's attention, but he just stared out the window.

When we got back Canary was waiting with Bats. I mean you were waiting with Bats. Hell I don't know if I am supposed to be talking about you in first or third person since you are going to read this. Fine I'll do both, you can mark me off for it if you want.

They pulled Wally aside and walked to the other side cave and talked to him. I don't know maybe 45 minutes. The rest of the guys noticed too, but they kept their distance. I just stood there. I didn't care if everyone else was trying to give him space, I was going to talk to him, no matter what damnit.

He finally made it over to me and I had to hug him. He looked awful. God this is the dumbest assignment ever! What am I supposed to say? A line by line narration of what we said? Screw that. Ok so I'm trying to make him feel better and I find out he's pissed me! Saying stuff like why didn't I stay down. He could have gotten to the guard in time, I didn't have to go hand to hand with the other guy.

All our training tells us to improvise in situations when we need to. I thought this was one of those times. Batman agreed, and he never has a problem pulling us aside for an ass chewing when we screw up. Not this time. We did right.

He just kept bitching at me and then cursing himself. Well things kind of got heated and the insults started flying. I guess we got pretty loud because the rest of the team was coming over to us. I guess they thought we were going to hit each other.

I remember screaming, "Wally they were going to kill me. Do you wish he'd just done it? Would that make you feel better?"

He gave me that hurt look that really stabs at my heart when he does it. Other people, it doesn't bother me, just him. I hate that look. I wasn't sure if he was sad or pissed. Both I suppose.

"I don't do things like this Artemis. I didn't grow up like you did. I don't just blow off stuff like this. I'm not like you," he said to me.

Well that really pissed me off. I knew what he meant, but the way he said was like he was better than me. Holier-than-thou type shit.

"Well I'm not the murderer tonight am I?" I wish I could have taken it back, I knew as soon as I said it, I regretted it. This was the guy I was kissing a few days ago. The guy I was afraid I was really falling for.

But damnit, it hurt my feelings. You happy Canary? It hurt my damn feeling. I know I had a screwed up childhood and Wally does too. I've shared things with him I have never told anyone. Stuff I sure as hell won't put in here. I know he may not have meant it the way it came out, but it hurt, all right? It just did.

The look on his face really broke my heart. Damnit here come the tears again. Everyone kind of froze when I said it, and they definitely froze when Wally responded.

"Fuck You Artemis!"

Then he was gone, and I haven't seen him sense. I've texted him twice and called more than that, but if he's not going to answer I'm not going to waste any more time on him

Computer end recording

January 24th.

Computer begin recording.

Well after 2 days off, I'm back. Yippee. So we did some training today. Wally didn't show. I asked GA, our babysitter of the week how come Wally got to skip. He knew I was trolling for some answers, but he didn't indulge me. Batman gave him some time off was his response. Thanks a hell of a lot GA, I could have figured that out on my own. Well I've got homework.

Computer stop recording.

January 26th.

Computer start recording.

Gotta make this quick, heading out with Z for some shopping and other girly shit. Training and lectures, and then we were done. No Wally. That's it. Got to run. See ya.

Computer stop rec…..sigh Computer resume recording.

Ok fine. I talked to Rob. He and I are probably the most alike on the team. He is the only one who has had more training than I've had, but his was the constructive type, not the criminal type. He's incredibly disciplined. Bats will do that to you I guess. Anyway he told I shouldn't have said what I said. Once again " No Shit Rob," but he did back me up and told me I did right. He said he would have done the same thing. Finally someone on my side right?

"Wally is just all heart, you know", that's he said. "He's goofy, a smartass, and he annoys the fire out of people sometimes, but he is probably the heart of team. He keeps us human you know."

I did. I remembered Wally telling me how slow the world goes for him sometimes, and if he couldn't stop from slamming into that guy, it probably all happened in slow motion to him. He just couldn't do anything about.

Watching someone die is traumatic no matter how many times you see it. Even if you can shut your emotions off, your brain still registers it the same way. It stays in your subconscious if you like it or not, that why I have nightmares so much, but to see it happen in slow motion, in high def. Almost frozen, That had to be horrible, especially if it hadn't happened to you before.

I don't know what Wally and I are anymore, but regardless if we still are boyfriend- girlfriend, or just teammates I haven't been there for him and I really don't know what to do.

Computer stop recording.

January 28th.

Computer begin recording.

I was sure GA was going to be pissed, but everyone had to be involved in extra curriculas at Gotham Academy and today was my day. I scrambled and got my gear on and headed to the training session. Canary was actually running it. I wondered why she was here, that's when I saw Wally. He and Conner were going at it hard. Conner has gotten so much better in technique the last few months. You have…I mean Canary has really taught him well, so it should have been more one sided, but Wally was giving as good as he got. Really holding his own. Spinning around that stupid red circle, if you stepped out or were knocked out you lost. I saw Wally looking down at his feet to see how close he was, and Conner got him real good in the ribs. Wally fell to his knees. I was actually pretty sacred for him and you could tell Conner was. Wally stood there kneeling for a sec and then made it to his feet. I'm good, Nice shot he said. He was full of shit, but kind of brave too.

Conner and Canary both asked if he wanted out, but he said no. So they kept at it for a few with Wally kind of dragging, and you could tell Conner felt bad for Baywatch, but Canary does not let you slack when you're in the ring. It looked like Conner was ready to end it for both their sakes. Everyone was going crazy watching the match. Cheering for both of them. I guess I was too. So Wally was kind of moving half speed when Conner lunged for him, about to knock his ass out of the circle and probably consciousness too. Wally really wasn't paying attention it looked like. Then I swear this was one of the coolest things I have ever seen. Wally built up enough speed even in that small damn circle, slid under Conner's legs, did this kind of push up like move, and horse kicked Conner out of the circle. He never knew what hit him. He turned around pissed and then broke out to a smile. Wally was still on all fours looking back when Conner picked him up.

"Great match man," he said and asked if his ribs were ok. They both put their arms around each other and left the mat. How freaking cute.

Canary you said some snide thing about me being late and then put me in the ring. You asked if Wally had another one in him. He popped back off the bench and then realized it was against me. His enthusiasm just dropped from his face. And he stood and faced me.

We both lined up and got into our fighting stances. I'm pissed but I didn't want to humiliate him. The alarm rang and we hit it. He danced around not really looking at me but aware of me. If he wasn't going to pay attention to me then I would make him. I feigned two left jabs and then round housed him right to his head. He did a pretty cool leg sweep at half speed. I'm usually good at avoiding those, but they don't call him Kid Flash because he shows everyone his junk. Ok that's a good one. I'll save that one too.

A quick leap and I am up again, I launch forward high kick after high kick. I just miss by inches, and he keeps moving out of reach, finally I lunge one as far as I can and I missed and fell on my ass. He had a clear shot. I'm done. He doesn't hesitate. He doesn't do anything. Just looks at me. I round housed him again for missing his chance and he just took it. Then he took two steps back out of the red circle. He just quit.

Kid Flash Fail the computer announced. Yeah no shit.

I was pissed. He just sarcastically said "Nice Match" and looked at Canary and said he was done. Just walked off. What a dick.

I looked right at you and said I was done and heading home and said something like I had more important things to do then waste my time on his lame ass

Ok I'm sick of this goddamn journal? Screw this. This is stupid. I don't know why you're making us do this shit. I don't care if you grade it or not. My feelings and thoughts are my own damn business, not yours. If you're that damn concerned about us, put cameras up all over the place and just watch us big brother style. I'm out.

Computer end recording.

Artemis grabbed her bag and slammed her laptop shut. She was done. Done with training, done with trying to get to Wally. She stormed into the Zeta lobby when Black Canary called out to her.

"Where are you going?"

"Home." Artemis replied.

"No you not. You're going to talk to him. This has gone on too long."

"Listen," Artemis continued, "Unless you been under a rock, I've tried. I've tried everything. He doesn't want to talk to me. Hell he may not even want me in his life. This wasn't my fault. "

"It wasn't. He knows that." Canary responded.

"Yeah? How do you know?"

"Because he told me."

Artemis wasn't expecting that. "He did?" she responded softly.

"Yes. Artemis this is very hard on him. He doesn't know what to do. He's never felt this before. Most of you haven't."

"And you have?" Artemis snidely questioned not expecting the answer she got.

"Yes."

"Canary briefly closed her eyes remembering her time."

"I'm..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed I was...you know the only one."

Canary gave her respectful smile.

"He needs to talk with someone. That someone is you. He just doesn't know how to ask. You and I both know that Wally isn't very mature on a good day, but he can't do this alone. He needs you, and I'm pretty sure you need him. I saw him heading up to the observation nest on top of the mountain. Go talk to him."

Artemis nodded and put her bags and laptop back in her room and headed up

As she got to the top of the stairs she opened the heavy stone door and saw Wally up the path sitting and watching the ocean.

She made her way over to him and stood next to him. He didn't say anything or even acknowledge her, and Artemis started to think once again she was wasting her time, when he reached out and tenderly took her hand. He gently pulled it down so she would sit with him. He still had his uniform on, but the cowl was down and the ocean breeze blew through his hair.

That sat silently watching the waves when Artemis spoke in a low subdued voice.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I wish I could take it back."

Wally let go of her hand and placed his arm around the archer and pulled her head to rest on his shoulder.

"Me too. I was angry at you, when I was really just angry with myself. I wanted to blame somebody. Anybody. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know how I'm going to live with it."

Wally sniffled as she saw how hard he was trying to hold back his tears.

Wally continued. "I know we don't really talk about it, but my family is pretty religious. We aren't the church on every Sunday type, but we believe. We pray. We really try to follow the path. I think that's one reason my folks don't freak out about me doing the hero gig. Cause they believe in what we stand for and they have faith. I just don't know what's going to happen when, you know, when I face the big guy. How I'm going to be judged. If I'm going to see the man I killed. Where I'm going to end up. This might sound stupid to you, but it really scares me.

"It doesn't sound stupid Wally."

"How do you live with it?"

"Well I lock it down. Close my heart and swallow the pain. Just like my dad taught me. Fill my heart with hate so I can numb myself, and it works. The nights still suck, but I survive. That was until I met you."

"You had to go out and pick up my heart and start again didn't you. You just had to be the one who forced yourself inside into a place I never let anybody go. I already had wanted to change my life. GA and Bats pointed me in the right direction, but you picked me up and took me there. So to answer your question, you and your family have faith, and I have hope. I've worked hard to change Wally, and nothing I do will ever make it right. All I can do is fight the good fight and hope for the best. I never really had hope until joined this team. Until I met you.

They both watched as the sun began to lower in the sky. Finally Wally turned to her and took her hands in his.

"Artemis I've really been thinking hard about this…..."

Here we go she thought.

"You are so much stronger than I am. You deserve someone better. Someone you don't have to hold their hand every time they screw up. You know deep down I am just a nerdy science geek who just got lucky with his experiment right? I never had to work hard like you and Robin did. I'll never be as strong as you. You deserve better.

"Wally if Channing Tatum came over to me right now and asked me to go with him to some deserted tropical island and have sex with him all day long, or stay here with you and watch you eat, I would definitely come back to you when we where done."

That finally brought a real smile to Wally's face as they both laughed out loud.

"Gee Thanks Arty."

"It's you Wally. It was always you. You are a nerdy science geek, but you're my nerdy science geek. I've fallen in love you Baywatch and there is nothing I can do about it. I wish this wasn't the moment I decided to tell you, but now is as good a time as ever."

Wally smiled and took her in his arms and they kissed. Long and hard with real feeling. He pulled away gently and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes.

"I love you too. I was kind of worried I was the only one who felt like that."

"You weren't, but you know the sharing feeling thing is not always my strong suit. She kissed him again.

"We'll make it through this Ok? Together. I promise She paused for a moment and finally said. "Thank you for saving my life."

He smiled back. "You're welcome."

They sat back down and watched the sun turn the sea into a fiery blaze. Not leaving each other's side.

"Artemis?"

"Yes Wally?"

"I'd do it again it again if I had to."

She laid her head back down on his shoulder. "I would too."

January 29th

Computer begin recording.

My name is Artemis Crock. I used to be an assassin for the League of Shadows. Now I'm lucky enough to be with a group of friends who accept me for who I am. They have given me an opportunity to do some good in this world. They are giving me a chance to start over, and that's pretty damn rare around here. I know how unbelievably lucky I am, and I'm not going to blow this chance.

Also I am the girlfriend of the fastest teen alive and I am hopelessly in love with him. He is so special to me and he makes me feel like the most precious thing in the world. I like that. He has a heart big enough for the both of us. He sees the world so much different form me. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I am never going to let him go. I will protect him, and love him till the day I die. If you doubt that Canary, Watch me. And….thanks for getting me to do this. It was a pretty great assignment.

Computer end recording and submit.


End file.
